“Let Them See”

Story written in Jessica’s personal Journal- shared July 2025

This morning was a miracle. I realized something that I had been seeing in my mind over and over for 20 years, but didn’t understand.

For 20 years I have had this recurring dream that is just now making sense. The dream would come immediately after things in my life blew up or fell apart, whether that was my relationships, my health, money, my kids' health, and so on. It was after trauma or tragedy hit that some form of this dream would come.

I can see that I am sitting on my knees crying in the middle of rubble from a house that had just fallen. It was my house, the house I had built for myself. So after I grieve, I get up, clean up, and get to work building the house again. The problem was, no matter how many times I built it, it eventually came crashing down. And there I was in the middle again, becoming more devastated with every fall.

As I build this house, I’m surrounded by hundreds of others who are also “building their house.” It looks like a very organized “master-planned” community where all the houses are the same.

But my house... no matter how many times I built it, it would come crumbling to the ground. I am so confused because I know that we have all been given the same instructions, the same materials, and the same tools. And I know I am not an idiot! All I want is to get this damn house done so I can “be happy.”

I look around at all the homes going up all around me as far as the eye can see. They are at different stages of development, but they seem to go up and stay up. They are doing the same thing, with the same result: a house. And when they are finished, I no longer see the owner/builder of that home. I assume they are inside, enjoying the home they have built for themselves.

So I keep going, convinced that “this time it is going to work.” If I am just a little bit more perfect with the placement of the stones, a little more precise with the entire project (perfectionism), I would get it right. “I need to try harder,” I tell myself. "If I build it perfectly, it can’t fall down."

I would kind of forget about this construction process in my mind until my personal life would fall apart. A massive bomb would go off, and down it all came. Once again in the middle of massive amounts of rubble crying, sobbing, confused, frustrated, and angry! “What in the hell am I missing?” “What am I getting wrong?” “Help!” “Why is mine the only one coming down? I’m done with this!” And yes, I swear even in my dreams.

I could see that now the Savior was there with me, patient and calm. He would tell me to “let the tears fall, Jess... and then get up, and let’s do it again.” He would assist me with removing the rubble and clearing out the mess. Once we had a clear and solid foundation and could see all four cornerstones, we would start again.

As time went on, we would build. He was there with me, helping with each stone placed. I would look at him and say, “What am I getting wrong?” “Why won't this house stay up?” His reply was simple: “Your house is different.” I could hear the words but clearly didn’t grasp what he was telling me.

So we would build again. It would come crashing down eventually, and once I had gotten out my emotional toddler tantrum, we would do it again. But there was a point where he looked at me after the destruction this time, after 20 years of doing this, and he said, “Okay, do you want to keep doing this your way, or do you want to do this my way?” Ugh, I hate to be wrong! I was shocked because I didn’t know there was another way you could build it. I was just going off the blueprints I was given that everyone else was using, too. I was doing the exact same thing I had seen others do. I mean, I felt like it goes without saying, Lord, you are here with me; isn't that something you would have mentioned? But then the truth hit me... I never asked.

"Wait... are you kidding me? We have been doing it my way all this time? Holy crap!” I never thought to ask him. In hindsight, I could see that he was helping me, but I was the one leading.

This was four years ago when I chose a totally different plan and path and got divorced. We started to build like we had many times before, but this time, I could see that the walls of my house were clear. They were like windows, like a greenhouse. I asked the Savior, “Ummmm, ??????” His reply was, “They need to be able to see in, Jessica.” And at this point, I don’t even care who sees me. Let’s just get this done for crying out loud!

Ultimately, I trust the Lord. At this point, I just silently watched him and did what he did. I took his lead, and we built it together. The foundation was the same size as all of the surrounding homes, but at a certain point, I could see my house specifically; the levels just kept going up and then another, and another, higher than I wanted. I told him, “Yeah, we are good. Let’s slap a roof on this sucker and call it good.” Okay, I didn’t really say that. I said what I had become good at saying... "Okay, I trust you." But inside, I was terrified that my house was different. People were going to notice and stare, and that it didn’t belong here. The size, the look... the fact that there are no walls, just clear glass windows, floor to ceiling, enabling everyone to see inside. And the height... why did it have to be so damn big? It seemed a little unnecessary and very out of place. But it’s sure. It is solid, and as it kept going higher, I understood that from this foundation, we could build forever. And there was nothing that was going to bring this house down.

It wasn’t until I realized that I would tell my story to the world that I put it all together. (in July 2025) All I wanted to do was to build a simple house to live in just like everyone else.

The sweetest part of it all was at some point in my construction, I asked the Lord to come and help show me what I was doing wrong. Here is the thing: he never pointed out what I did wrong. He just showed me how to build it so that it wouldn’t come down again. He is teaching me that I can’t get it wrong. I get to build what I want. But if I ask more questions, he can build an even more beautiful and more grand structure than I can alone.

As the Savior and I sit side by side on the top of my glass house that feels to me more like a skyscraper, we sit in open air as I swing my legs back and forth off the side of the ledge as the sun is setting. A spectacular sunset. It was like a pink and red fire in the sky mixed with clouds. I can feel the wind blowing, and for the first time in a long time, I am taking it all in. Big deep breaths. I can feel how proud I am of myself.

We are finally done with construction. I hadn’t really noticed the houses around us because I was too busy working, but from this height as I look out, it hits me immediately. I look down at my blueprints that the Savior is holding in his hands, and I grab them, frantically look at them, and then at the houses, and then back at the Lord with total shock on my face. And a big smile appears on his face.. . . the sweet kind of “yeah jess!”

Those were the exact plans that I had been using for all these years, but I couldn’t even see them. I didn’t understand how to read them. I just looked around and did what I saw everyone else doing. Those plans had been specifically for me. I was interpreting the plans as I wanted them to be, not what they were. The Savior had to come and teach me how to build with the materials, tools, and plans that I had been given. He helped me build MY house not HIS house.

The truth of the master-planned community was always there. The blueprints never changed; they were just never the same to begin with. It was those whose homes remained closer to the ground that viewed the community from the same eyes that I had before. That there was one way to build your house. It was only from this view that you could see that although every single house was different, it was only the foundation size that was the same. And it was only at ground level that they appeared similar. The higher you were able to climb, the more you could see clearly the differences and the beauty in them all. There was not even one home similar in nature, style, and size and even color. The Lord smiled at me, almost laughing at my reaction to finally seeing the truth of where it was that I lived. "Okay, Jessica," he said, "they are watching. Keep your windows clean so they can see in. Let them see what we have built together. The stones they throw, will never get through. You and I, however... we have a lot of work to do. . . Let’s go gather.